Lately I’ve been thinking about the friendships I’ve had in my life and the ones I still cherish today. I can’t help but think that getting older inevitably means that we will start losing friends. Below are a few reasons I think this happens.
We’re busy
I know it’s a poor excuse but it’s the truth. Whether you’re finishing a degree, starting a new one, changing jobs or starting families; we’re all ridiculously busier than we used to be. We spend more time texting our colleagues and significant others than we do our friends. We move location and can’t hang out easily. We need to take a minute out of our busy schedules and appreciate our friends.
It’s a two way street
We start to tell ourselves this when we begin to feel bad for not reaching out to someone. We try to mask our own guilt by shifting the blame. “Well she hasn’t texted me either” at the end of the day, if you want to stay in touch with someone, does it matter who picks up the phone first? Have we digressed to playing games with friendships like we do with relationships? At the same time, should we be drawing a line? If I reach out to you 95% of the time, does that mean I should take the hint? It’s a fine line to straddle, but more often than not, you can have that conversation with your friend instead of having to make that decision on your own.
Our interests change
We don’t go to the same school, or the office anymore. We don’t have he same group of friends or problems anymore. It seems as though we don’t talk as much because maybe we don’t. Maybe your only common ground is that you went to school together and the only thing you can talk about is the people you went to school with and the largest drama involving them that you’ve seen on Facebook or something. We have to measure whether or not our friendships can survive once we stop seeing each other everyday.
We fundamentally disagree
So you think her boyfriend is a deadbeat? You don’t think the job she has is good for her health? We’re going to disagree in friendships, that is inevitable in any relationship, but if the disagreement leads to judgement, or fear, or shut downs, the friendship may not stand the storm. Respect other people’s opinions and decide what is truly important to you in your friendship.
We stop checking in
In romantic relationships, checking in should be a norm. “How are we doing? What do you need more of? How can we make this week better?” So why are friendships any different? When was the last time you asked “how am I doing as a friend? Was the advice I gave you actually helpful?” If your friend isn’t being the type of friend that you need in your life anymore, eventually you’re going to drift apart. So why are we so scared to ask those questions? Like I mentioned, we have fewer chances to see each other and less in common than we once did, so we’re probably going to have to adjust if we want me maintain that friendship.
Getting older means lots and lots of changes, but your friendships don’t have to change. Sometimes, it’s okay to let a friendship go and sometimes you just need to put in more effort. Just make sure you’re being the type of friend you’d want to have.
Arda xx
Ardas Thoughts 